


The Gap (Between Us)

by dekuz



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, bulma and vegeta are still friends, bulma is not a mean ex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-04 05:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20466137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dekuz/pseuds/dekuz
Summary: following the end of the cell games, vegeta doesn't handle the loss of goku as well as he pretends toa conversation with bulma, and a reunion with goku finally break him





	1. Chapter 1

Bulma wasn’t able to sense ki like most of the people she spent her time around, but basic human instincts did enough to tell her that someone had entered her room. Rousing from her (very pleasant) deep sleep, she sat up and rubbed her eyes as they adjusted to the darkness of the room. At the foot of her bed stood a small figure, too small to be any adult she knew. “Trunks, honey? What’s wrong?” 

Her son wrung his hands nervously, foot tracing circles in the soft rug. “Sorry I woke you, mom.” 

“Don’t worry about it. Did something happen? C’mere.” Bulma scooted to the end of her bed, scooping her boy up onto it to sit next to her. She wrapped an arm around Trunks’ shoulders, pulling him against her side. “Talk to me.”

Trunks’ eyes darted around momentarily, brows furrowing, before he sighed and hung his head. “It’s dad.” Bulma looked at him questioningly, rubbing his shoulder to coax him to continue telling her his concerns.

“What’s he doing  _ now? _ ”

“Nothing!” Trunks assured her, leaning his head on her. “He’s just been acting weird.” This didn’t come as a real surprise to Bulma- Vegeta had been off his game ever since the last fight with Cell. Three years later, he still refused to explain why, or even acknowledge his own behavior. Even  _ Trunks _ was noticing now, and Vegeta barely paid attention to the kid! Bulma sighed in exasperation, massaging her temples. Trunks looked at her, worried he’d done something wrong. She quickly hugged him to diminish that worry.

“He’s been like that ever since the Cell Games. You were too little when they happened to remember anything, but you know Goku died during that fight, right?” Trunks nodded, not particularly distraught, as he really knew nothing about Goku. He was also only four, and Bulma didn’t feel like explaining in-depth to him the concept of death. “I think daddy’s mourning him, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Not even to himself.” 

“But dad seems like he hates Goku. Why would he be sad?” The confusion in Trunks’ big eyes, staring up at her, seemed to bore holes into her skin. He was smart, but of course, he  _ was _ her kid.

“It’s complicated, sweetie.” Gathering Trunks up into her arms, she stepped out of bed. “I’ll go talk to daddy to make sure everything’s alright. You go back to sleep, ‘kay?” This satisfied him, and he nodded, curling against her chest. She would miss this, when he eventually grew too old for her to hold. 

* * *

By the time Bulma had gotten to her son’s room, he was already dozing back off. She laid him in bed, tucked him in, and placed a kiss on his forehead. He’d drifted off with a small smile. Now, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to confront Vegeta about his feelings, seeing as their separation was recent- only about a year ago did Bulma decide to end things. She made a promise to Trunks, though, and it would satisfy her own curiosity. 

Stepping carefully around the hallways to avoid waking Trunks or prematurely notify Vegeta of her arrival, she reached his room. Even as a couple, they had not shared a room for long. She creaked open the door, being greeted by bright moonlight pooling through the open glass door- he was out on his balcony. Trunks must have sensed him go outside, and it made him nervous. She closed the door behind her, managing to make it to the entrance to the balcony, only to be stopped in her tracks by a voice.

“I know you’re there.” Of course he did, she could’ve smacked herself for being so stupid. The man could sense her energy miles away. Unphased, she went through the doorway, to find Vegeta sitting on the ledge. There used to be a railing before he moved in, but he said he didn’t like it being in his way, so it was removed. She sat down next to him- not too close, but not too far. He didn’t even spare her a glance.

“Vegeta.” She started, looking at the side of his head that faced back at her. It was so bright outside despite being night, she knew without having to look that it was a full moon. Vegeta had no tail, hadn’t for years, so this factor didn’t matter… not in that way, anyways. It still definitely meant  _ something _ .

“Leave me.”

“Trunks is worried about you.”

“So?”

“ _ So, _ ” Bulma clenched her fists into her nightgown, “I’m being a  _ good mother _ and  _ checking on you _ because I  _ told him I would. _ ” She was doing her best not to yell at him for being so insensitive. That was just how he acted.

“I’m  _ fine. _ If you’re just going to nag me about parenting, I don’t want to hear it.” His shoulders and overall posture were stiff, almost nervous. Bulma narrowed her eyes.

“Look at me, Vegeta.”  
  
“Why should I?”  
  
“_Look_ at me when I talk to you for _once!_” She let desperation edge into her voice accidentally, and with only a moment’s hesitation, he faced her. Her heart dropped into her stomach.  
  
“Oh, Vegeta…” He looked away with a scowl, but she gripped his arm forcefully, and he turned back. He looked like… well, he looked like fucking shit. Dark circles, stubble, red-rimmed eyes, the whole nine yards. She knew he was probably still sad about Goku’s passing, but she never guessed it was _this_ bad, so long after it had happened. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t patronize me.” He glared at her.  
  
“I’m not.” Her hand remained locked onto his arm, as if now that they were finally talking, he’d take off into the sky and disappear forever. “I just… had no idea things were this terrible.”

“ _ Things _ are just fine, I’ll have you know.” 

“They definitely are _not, _Vegeta!” Her lip stuck out in a pout as she stared him down. “It’s okay to be sad about Goku, everyone is-”  
  
“_I am not _sad_ about Kakarot!” _He barked back, making her flinch back as they were so close to each other. His angry expression faltered. She didn’t stop him from looking away this time. “I would _never_ mourn someone like him. That’s for_ soft_ humans, like you, and that bald guy.”

“You ran out into space as soon as you learned Goku was staying out there after Namek exploded. I really don’t think you hate him as much as you think you do.”  
  
“That was nothing! I wanted to force him to show me how to attain Super Saiyan.” By the way he spoke, it sounded more like he was tying his own noose for execution. There was no conviction there, none at all.

“You know that I know when you’re lying.” Bulma released his arm, and he glanced at the spot it had been holding, pulling his arm into his lap to avoid it happening again. “I’m not going to force you to admit that you miss Goku, I just… want you to admit it to  _ yourself. _ I think you’ll find that if you do, you’ll feel much better.” She gingerly patted him on the shoulder, rising to her feet and wiping off her dress. “Let yourself be sad, Vegeta. Grieve so that you can get over it. No one is judging you.” 

“Bulma…”

“You’re your own worst enemy. You always have been.” She said with a soft, regretful smile that he couldn’t see, but she knew he could hear it in her tone. He said nothing. She left without another word, not bothering to tell him to go to sleep. He wouldn’t listen to her. He never had, and she chuckled to herself at the passing realization. Did he ever _ really _ love her, the way she had loved him?

* * *

On the balcony, under the moonlight, Vegeta buried his head in his hands. He had. He loved far too much, and it broke him inside to admit it. He had loved Bulma, and now he loved Kakarot. Of  _ course _ no one would judge him, he knew that… but his own inner voices were cruel enough. His arm felt burned where Bulma’s hand had gripped it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned! there's a second part, as is obvious by the fic description


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second part takes place directly after buu

It was dark and cold as Goku entered the room through the balcony door, the sudden temperature shift from the warm night air outside giving him chicken skin. The room was big, but not big enough that Goku had to enter any further to see the large bed contained within. Under the gray sheets lay a lump, almost completely enveloped in them. The black puff of hair that snuck its way out of the covers gave away who it was. Goku lowered his ki as much as possible, though avoided making it so low that his friends would come running to see if he was dying. 

"Vegeta." He said softly into the room, with no response being given to him but a grunt that he knew meant 'get the fuck out of my room.' "Vegeta, you uh… Bulma said you didn't want to celebrate." No response, not even a noise this time. Goku rubbed the back of his head nervously, sweat beginning to develop on his skin despite the cold. "That's totally fine, I just wanted to see if you were okay. Tien and Piccolo told me you refused a senzu, you must be hurtin' real-" 

"Shut the door, asshole." A voice weak and hoarse from the intense battle chastised him, and the scratch in it made Goku's heart hurt. He complied, turning and sliding the glass door closed with a small 'sorry.'

"You don't… sound good. I brought beans with me. I didn't know how many you needed so I, uh-" 

"I don't need them, Kakarot. Leave." Usually Vegeta's ki would spike when annoyed, but it didn't fluctuate at all. It remained on the same slowly pulsing pattern, so slow it was hard to even feel it was there. Goku squared his shoulders and gave up on trying to respect boundaries, his concern far outweighing his manners. He stepped over to Vegeta's bed and sat on the side. The mattress sunk under his weight, and his hand shot out to grip the blanket. Vegeta's did the same. "Don't you dare."

"You know I will if I have to, Vegeta." Goku remained firm, unwavering. That's what Vegeta needed, what he wanted. He never wanted kindness. Goku was not here to give him mindless sympathy. The tension remained for several moments, both of their hearts pounding in anticipation- but for what? Vegeta caved first, thankfully, and pulled the blanket down to expose his face. Bandages were wrapped around his head and white patches stuck on smaller wounds. Vegeta didn't look at him.

"Bulma insisted my wounds be dressed." He answered without Goku needing to ask.

"Yeah, I figured.” Goku tried to make conversation to calm Vegeta’s obvious nerves. “She's real nice if she wants to be, I don't think having her as a wife would be too bad-" 

"She's not my wife." 

Goku blinked in surprise, staring down at Vegeta who was now deathly stiff, staring at the wall across the room. So much for soothing him. "You two split up." He guessed- it wasn't a shock, really. They were never that compatible in terms of romance. 

"Excellent observation, Kakarot." 

"When?"

Vegeta took a deep breath, then let it out with a sigh. The blanket rose and fell with it. "Two years after the Cell Games." Goku internally cringed at the mention of the seven years where he was gone… he'd missed so much. Like Vegeta's darker moments.

"Vegeta, be honest with me." Goku looked down at his lap, tone shifting to serious. This made Vegeta actually look at him, surprised but curious. Maybe a little afraid. "Did you- were you mad at me? Is that why…?" He sounded so small, Vegeta couldn't bring himself to make a snarky reply.

Fresh shame and guilt washed over Vegeta, making him shiver. Goku felt the reaction under his palm still on the bed. “That was part of it, I suppose.”

"I'm sorry, Vegeta."

"Don't apologize to me." Vegeta's fist gripped the sheets so hard that Goku heard them begin to tear.

"Vegeta, sit up." The smaller Saiyan sat up without protest, the blanket sliding off of his body to reveal a bare chest also covered in bandages. "Look at me." Goku commanded gently. 

"Kakarot," Vegeta's heart plummeted at the demand. Bulma had said the same thing to him, some years ago now, when he was lost in his grief for this exact man. No wonder he had fallen in love with them both. Goku was giving him a look- he knew that look. "Don't." He choked out, on the verge of tears. Goku didn't listen, moving forward to wrap his larger frame around Vegeta's smaller one. They were  _ hugging  _ now _ . _

"If you need to be mad at me, please don't take it out on our friends." Goku held him close. Vegeta's resolve wavered, his body trembling hard under Goku's palms. "You can scream at me, too. Don't hold it in."

"Stupid fuck," Vegeta sobbed, wrapping his own arms around Goku. Goku rubbed his back, letting Vegeta do what he needed to- which ended up being crying into the junction of Goku's neck and shoulder. "Dumbass." 

"You're not wrong." Goku smiled sadly.

This continued for… God knows how long, Vegeta letting his pent-up emotions out as his fellow saiyan comforted and held him. Eventually, Vegeta did stop, and Goku pushed him back so they could be face-to-face for the first time since this started. His large hands rested on Vegeta's muscled shoulders, and Vegeta's arms were still looped loosely around Goku. "I need to tell you something, Kakarot."

"Tell me anything you need to." 

"I missed you." Vegeta had no more tears left to spill, but he surely would have been crying again if he could. The whites of his eyes were rimmed in an angry red from rubbing.

"I missed you, too, Vegeta." Black stared into black. Both men were oddly prepared for what came next, after spending so much time waiting.

"I love you." Rogue remaining tears fought their way out, cascading down Vegeta's cheeks and soaking the dressings there. His eyes blinked rapidly with the effort of forcing out more crying. Goku took a thumb and wiped one cheek, and Vegeta stilled the hand with his own. His thumb rubbed the back of Goku’s palm as it cradled his face. Goku raised his other hand, placing it on Vegeta's opposite cheek to pull him close, into a long-awaited kiss. It was short, but sweet, and Vegeta was finally,  _ finally _ … at ease.

"Love you too, 'Geta." Goku smiled the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful smile Vegeta had ever seen, not even his ex-wife could compare. Goku pulled the other back against him as Vegeta began to laugh, a broken but relieved chuckle that turned louder over time. "What's so funny?" Goku hummed, running a hand through Vegeta's hair. 

"Us." Vegeta's body shook against Goku's, still laughing silently. "We're both idiots." Goku let out his own laugh.

"You're right about that one." He agreed. "Let's just be stupid together this time around though, okay? Don’t have to drag other people into it." Vegeta rested against him now, totally exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions he just had to go through in one damn day.

"Sounds good, Kakarot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's a wrap, hope you enjoyed the short story


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a small bonus continuation

"Vegeta?" 

The voice was unexpected, but not surprising to him, as Vegeta watched the figure of Goku appear behind him in the mirror. He rubbed at his eyes groggily- he must have noticed the Prince's absence and woken up. He wore only his undershirt and boxers now, as he'd decided to stay the night… in Vegeta's room and bed, of course. Vegeta didn't bother to spare him even a glance, focusing heavily on himself.

His fingers gripped the edge of the sink tightly, any harder and the marble would surely begin to crack beneath his strength. He stared blankly at his own reflection, skin still littered with bandages, now being joined by forming bruises. They stained his skin an angry black and blue, but that didn't obscure the large scar on his torso that was not there before the fight. The bandages had, but he tore them off, and they rested in a heap on the floor. 

Goku tilted his head in worry and stepped through the open doorway. Light from the bathroom spilled into Vegeta's room, Goku's large frame having previously blotted it out. "'Geta? Why'd you take your bandages off…?"

Vegeta didn't turn when he spoke, and his hands began to tremble. "Look at me. Every mistake I've ever made is right where I can always see it." Goku's face fell, not expecting such a statement to  _ ever _ leave Vegeta's mouth. The last time he was this open was when he believed he was dying on Namek, and thought he wouldn't have to deal with whatever the consequences were.

"You mean your scars?" Goku stepped closer. "I… like mine, they're memories of winning. I'm proud of 'em, aren't you?" His hand was inching towards the back of his neck to scratch there nervously, but he jumped and pulled it back when Vegeta turned to look at him sharply.

"I don't  _ save the day,  _ Kakarot. I never have." He punctuated his words with a harsh slam on the marble, causing a corner of it to crash to the tiles below. "All of this," He gestured to his body, "was because I failed. I lost." Vegeta turned back around and hung his head. His back hunched stiffly from both pain and stress as he rolled his shoulder, the punch having upset his aching muscles. "I died." 

Goku pursed his lips. "Hey." He spoke sternly now, coming up beside Vegeta and placing a hand on his shoulder. Vegeta didn't make a move to remove it. "So what if you died? You're still here and kickin'. Even  _ I've  _ died before, 'Geta. Twice!" 

"You died saving people. I died killing them."

"Don't say that, 'cause you're wrong!" Goku huffed, forcefully turning Vegeta to look at him. Vegeta blinked in shocked confusion at Goku's intensity. "Ya see this?" Goku jabbed his finger at a small, circular scar over Vegeta's heart. "This was from Frieza, right? And that entire fight, you were on  _ our _ side. Not his." 

"Kakarot…"

"And this?" Goku rested a hand over the scar on his torso, brand new but somehow not fresh. "I'm guessing this is from Buu. Vegeta, you  _ sacrificed _ yourself to get this. It's amazing."

"The Buu incident was my fault to begin with!" Vegeta shouted, slapping Goku's hand away from the scar as if the touch had burned him. He rested his own hand on it, fingernails digging into the skin that could barely feel it. " _ I _ let Babidi into my head, and _ I _ killed all those people in the stands-" 

Goku gently pulled Vegeta's hand away, and held it tenderly. Vegeta's voice died in his throat. "But then you realized, all on your own, that you're not a bad guy anymore." Vegeta felt himself, for one of the few times in his life, begin to tear up. Goku wasn't lying to him, he wouldn't ever dare to. "No one's perfect. I'd be lying if I said I regret nothing myself." Slowly, Goku lifted his shirt, showing a large circular scar there. It was similar to Vegeta's, though less ragged. "Here. What d'ya think this is from?"

"I don't know."

"It's from Raditz." He let his shirt fall back down. "Have I ever told you that fight's one of my biggest regrets?" 

Vegeta narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, flexing the hand still in Goku's grasp. His touch was warm and soothing. "Why is that?"

"Well, for starters, it really sucked being so weak that I had to die to save my own son." He laughed sadly, and Vegeta cringed when he realized he could  _ relate  _ to that feeling now _ . _ "If I'd been stronger, maybe he wouldn't have had to die. It wouldn't be just us left." He sighed, though not in an upset manner. "We've all got something we wish could've gone differently, Vegeta." 

"I… never knew you felt that way about it. About the saiyans." Vegeta was pleased to learn he wasn't truly all alone in caring about their heritage. Perhaps Goku just liked to keep quiet about his deeper opinions, and that's why he appeared so dumb all the time.

"I don't tell you everything I think about." He grinned slyly, rubbing his thumb on the back of Vegeta's hand. "Can I tell you something else?"

Vegeta could only nod.

"I'm so proud of you, and I love you. You're not bad anymore. I'll tell you that all you want, whenever you want." 

"Kakarot… Why?"

"Why what?" Goku tilted his head to the side again, absent-mindedly intertwining his fingers with Vegeta's.

"Why do you love me?" Vegeta swiped an arm over his eyes to get rid of the tears still threatening to fall, so technically it didn't count as crying, right?

"Well, why do  _ you _ love  _ me _ ?" Goku grinned again, pulling Vegeta in close as if urging him to return to bed. "There's so many reasons I couldn't possibly list 'em all. Can you?"

"...No," Vegeta sighed, leaning against him and letting the taller saiyan lead him out of the bathroom. "I can't." 

"You just do, yeah? That's how I feel." He hummed, plopping down unceremoniously onto the sheets, still slightly warm from their body heat. Vegeta joined him silently, hand moving to rest against his chest once more. Goku embraced him, and he felt at ease with himself.

"Yeah. I just do." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not originally planned to be a part of this fic, but here you go


End file.
